I have two brothers (only) and both parents have passed away a long time ago. While my two brothers are close to each other (one is 3 years, the other 6 years, older than me, and I will be a youthful 60 y/o later this year). I am a very sensitive caring person, while their emphasis is far more on non-caring and non-sensitivity. (They tend to compete with each other in sports/athletic activities like weight lifting, bicycling, or long-distance running.
While I've tried to be a good brother, there have been numerous incidents where I've felt abused, hostily attacked and scorned by both brothers. Some examples; my next oldest brother and I were in a public restaurant; I was having troubles with my job and wanted to talk with him about what I was going through; during the course of thee conversation, he blurted out loudly "Look, we don't have any feelings in this family, so don't ever talk to me again avout your ******* feelings!" (The restaurant was full of people and he was no doubt overheard by countless others.) At that time, I was roughly 32 years old, and he would have been 35.
After that incident, I wanted to discuss with him what would make him say that, and assure him that I did have feelings for this family. But not only would he not talk about the incident, when I asked his wife about it, she said that he wouldn't even talk with her about feelings. (Over the years, I repeatedly tried to deal with this incident with both my brother and his wife.)
Another incident happened when I was visiting my next oldest brother a couple of years later. I was experiencing some new job problems, but was just visiting him and his wife and 2 children to get away from all of that. The children commented on numerous occasions that they were glad to see me and "not the other grumpy uncle" (my oldest brother). I thought things were going well and peaceful-like. Then my brother asked me to "grab my bag and step out side with him". When we got outside, he stated "You're too depressed to be around my family and so you'll have to leave now."
Third example; I had agreed to have a family visit with my two brothers (I was age 55 now, and they were of ages 58 and 61). My oldest brother and I had driven in from central Canada to the other brother's home in Nashville Tennessee. The two of them were doing their "competitive" thing (who can outrun, outbike, outlift the other.) I was enjoying some peaceful relaxation time...touring Nashville, shopping, and so on. When I wouldn't get involved with their competitive activities, they both verbally accosted and attacked me relentlessly for about 5 minutes, calling me every demeaning label known to mankind, and hurling every abuse one can imagine. The one borthers' wife watched without saying anything or defending me in any way while the attack ensued. I was so shaken up by this that I left the house (walking) and after several miles, found a local tavern and quickly consumed several alcoholic beverages. While walking back to their house, they approached me in their car and demanded to know where I'd been. (Their excuse earlier on was "....going out for a power walk) So I replied, "Oh, I was just out for a power walk!"
There were other incidents, but I don't want to bore. I have recently cut off all communication with the two brothers, and that prtty much has affected my relations with their extended familes. (I have no family, and live alone.)
I have confronted both brothers and told them that they have to learn to talk with me respectfully and that they have to be willing to be accountable for what they say and do (especially when it affects the feelings of those around them). It has to be "this way" or the relationships of "brother" are over with the two of them.
Both of these brothers have been relatively successful in there lives, in their careers, but have very few friends.
My question is...how important is the sanctitude of family, and attempting to maintain relationships under these circumstances? My presumption is that I'm chasing a "dead horse" in trying to resolve these relationships. As well, relating with them adversely affects my sense of well-being and self-acceptance. There are not many years left in any of our (3) lives, so I'd like to decide NOW whether these relationships are worth any effort whatsoever in resolving. Or, if I should take my losses and avoid these people.If close relatives abuse me, should I avoid them or try to patch things up?
The best thing for you to do is to surrender your life and your predicament to the Lord Jesus Christ. Your brothers may have developed rough callouses in their hearts that made them say or do things that hurt you but no matter what you do, you cannot change them but one thing I could assure you, God can.
Like what the Lord said in Mark 11:24, Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Just pray, repent and surrender your life to Jesus; Keep on praying for your brothers and your predicament, and never give up praying, allow God to work in all your hearts and eventually your family relationship. God loves you my dear, even if you feel that no one does, He is just waiting for you to allow Him to be in your life in order for Him to fix what has been hurting you for so long.
Kindly go to this site : http://www.ccf.org.ph/gods-way-to-heaven/
God loves you so much. God bless you immensely.
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