First time writing needing help with a plot that will show stupid Twilight readers the true meaning of love?

It's a little long, so brace yourself. And be prepared to be 100% honest. Here goes:



Three years ago Cassandra Williams became the scarlet letter of her small Florida hometown after she killed her drunken ex-boyfriend (the local high school basketball star) as he was trying to rape her. The threats and incessant gossip that followed got so severe that she decided to go live with her aunt and uncle in Maine. Cassandra kept a low profile in the new town, trying her hardest to earn good grades in hopes of going to Vanderbilt University, and she ended up graduating at the top of her class. But a few weeks after her graduation ceremony, a call from her father puts her plans of moving to Nashville on hold. Her father has gone back to work at the local fire station due to a shortage in volunteer fire fighters, and he is no longer able to manage the family's business venture, a small apartment complex named Williams Square. In addition to handling the paper work involved with the complex, Cassandra will also be responsible for the cleaning service that some tenants choose to have. Though she is reluctant at first, she agrees when her favorite cousin (nineteen-year-old college flunk-out, slacker, and womanizer Jeremy) agrees to help out in exchange for room and board at Cassandra's father's house. With a heavy heart, Cassandra returns to the town in which she never wanted to set foot again. The first few weeks go okay. In addition to working with the apartment complex, Cassandra gets a job as a waitress at a local bar and grill called Charlie's--which just happens to be owned by her middle school crush, twenty-four-year-old Casey Embry. Cassandra and Casey seem to hit if off right away, but she rebels at a romance against him because she does not want to be stuck in the town. A few weeks later, something happens to forever change the game of things. While working alone in the restaurant one night, she is attacked by the step brother of the boy she killed. Though a patron is in the bar, a young blonde man whom she has never seen before, he sits there and does nothing to help. Casey comes out of his office in enough time to help, but Cassandra lays into the strange patron anyways. Instead of apologizing he just says "F---k you" and walks out. Cass is unnerved by his behavior, and she can't seem to get this weird guy out of her head that night. The next day, while delivering an eviction notice to her childhood best friend, Cassandra finds the girl dead in a storage locker behind her apartment. It is the first murder in the town since the one she committed three years before, and the town totally goes nuts. Meanwhile for Cassandra, the job must go on. After talking to the police, she goes to her third apartment cleaning since arriving back home---and the apartment just happens to belong to the bar patron. For the next several weeks, as the police struggle to find the killer, Cassandra and the bar guy (his name will be Michael from here on out) continue to have many tense run ins. But their dynamic is soon to change. One night after walking home from work, Cass is attacked again by the stepbrother of the guy she killed--and this time his sister is there to help him out. As they are ready to pretty much kill her in the woods, Michael comes along to help her out. The sister runs off, but to her suprise, Michael tackles the stepbrother to the ground, pulls a knife out of his pocket, and goes to slit his throat. She stops him in horror, and after the stepbrother runs off, Michael takes her back to his apartment to clean out her wounds. After this encounter, she becomes even more curious about the strange guy. When the stepbrother is found dead in the woods later on, Cass believes that Michael did it, and that he killed her friend as well. When she is forced to confront him after sneaking into his apartment, he tells her his life story. He is the son of a crime boss, and though he has never personally killed anyone, he is guilty of causing several people to die by helping his father out. Though Cass believes him, the sister who helped to attack her in the woods blabs to the police that Michael assaulted her brother, and they show up at his doorstep. And when a young female child is found naked and beaten in a deserted lot, people are out for Michael's blood. One night a couple of troublemakers set his house on fire with him inside it. I haven't decided if he dies yet. The murders in the town end up not being related at all. The little girl was killed by her father, the stepbrother was killed by the cousin of his abused girlfriend, and Cassandra's friend was killed by Casey because she threatened to reveal a secret about him.



So, what do you think?



And in anticipation of at least one of your inevitable responses: MY STORY IS NOTHING LIKE TWILIGHT (especially in the sense that it will not evoke a worldwide phenomenon--my own mom probably won't even like it). Though Michael and Cassandra have a very emotional and sexualFirst time writing needing help with a plot that will show stupid Twilight readers the true meaning of love?
you should take out the parts about love and put in an army of killer robots that go around vaporizing people with lasers.



edit: some cool monsters might work too. Ones with lots of tendrils and other odd protrusions dripping with slime etc. They don't have to sparkle if you really don't like twilight that much but eating people in creatively nasty ways is basically a requirement if you go this route.First time writing needing help with a plot that will show stupid Twilight readers the true meaning of love?
it was the 1st draft? go a little slower and explain hers and his character we want to KNOW them